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  • An Open Letter To This Girl I Went To High School With

    August 19, 2009 | News

    Hi Candace,

    Just wanted to write and let you know that I can’t make the “Grand Opening of Lexi Drew” party that you’re hosting on Saturday.

    I must admit, I was surprised that you thought to invite me me, seeing as though you didn’t invite me to any parties when we went to high school together. But that was probably just because you didn’t ever talk to me in high school, so no hard feelings.

    Anyway, the reason I can’t make it to your party/promotional event is that I don’t live in Michigan any more. Actually, I haven’t lived in Michigan for about four years. I moved to Chicago in 2005 and then Las Vegas in 2008. But enough about me; what have you been up to this past decade? You haven’t told me a thing! We’ve got to catch up!

    Usually when I can’t make it to a party to which I’ve been invited via facebook, I simply click “Not Attending.” But considering the sheer number of times you graciously invited me to the promotional event that your employer, Six Degrees Magazine, is hosting, I felt obliged to write something more personal—hence this letter.

    By the way, I think you accidentally tagged me in a photo I’m not in. You can tell I’m not in the photo because the photo isn’t actually a photo; it’s an advertisement for your employer’s promotional event, “The Grand Opening of Lexi Drew.” (When I clicked on the facebook message telling me I’d been tagged in a photo, I was redirected to the advertisement.) I think I’ve figured out the source of the confusion: the advertisement CONTAINS a photograph of a five-woman music group called “The Paradiso Girls,” and you probably mistook the brunette on the left for me because I too have brown hair.*

    Sorry to digress, but I’ve got to say, those Paradiso Girls are pretty cute! (Maybe that’s why the Six Degrees Magazine design department put the exact same photo of the Girls on the advertisement twice?) I so wish I could have flown back to Michigan, dialed 248-840-6059 for a “VIP TABLE RESERVATION,” and listened to the Paradiso Girls sing their “hit single” “Patron Tequila.” What a great song name!

    (BTW, Here in Las Vegas my friend Amanda and a couple of other girls started their own girl group called the “Pussycat Dolls”…but between you and me, I secretly refer to them as “the Paradiso Girls of Las Vegas.”)

    Well, I’ve got to get going now, but before I do, I wanted to invite you to this event that the magazine for which I write, Las Vegas Weekly (i.e., “the Six Degrees Magazine of Las Vegas.”), is hosting at Moon Nightclub (at Palms, in Las Vegas) on Thursday: The 3rd Annual White Hot Fusion Mixer. You can call 702-211-8393 for VIP table reservations, but please don’t use my name because, well, you know how it is.

    Hope to see you there! It’s been too long!


    *Okay, I just looked back at the facebook Event page you set up for your employer’s promotional event, “The Grand Opening of Lexi Drew,” and it looks like you accidentally tagged every single person on facebook in 35 separate copies of the same advertisement. Oops!