Sarah Palin’s got a new book coming out, and so does Newt Gingrich, and so does Bobby Jindal, and so do I.

Am I planning to run for President under the Republican ticket in 2012 or what?

Let me be clear about this:

As of now, I have no definite plans to run for President. I’m happy writing for Las Vegas Weekly. It’s a fulltime job, and serving my reader/constituents fulfills me completely. Plus, I plan to spend 2011 promoting my book, Fool Me Once: Hustlers, Hookers, Headliners, and How Not to Get Screwed in Vegas. So, no, I’m not planning on throwing my hat into the ring.

Do I think I’d make a good President?

Obviously I would. I’d be infinitely better than any of the other candidates. I’m the only guy who can turn this country around—I think we all know that. But, as of right now, I’m simply not interested in running. (So let’s get this straight: if, for whatever reason, I do run for President—which I won’t—I’ll be the one doing the favor for you.)

Does the fact that my book’s subtitle has the words “hooker” and “screwed” in it hurt my chances in the Bible Belt? Please. If there’s one thing the American votes have proven time and time again, it’s this: we vote for candidates who are affiliated with hookers in some shape or form.

In conclusion, I’m counting on your vote.

Now, moving to a related matter and getting serious for a moment: I’m one chapter into the George Bush memoir, and I’m loving it.

I posted that on facebook, and for the life of me, I can’t remember the last time I took so much flak from so many of my friends.