I have no clue why I waited so long to get Netflix. Worst mistake of my life—waiting so long. I’ve already watched movies about extraterrestrial ghettos, Japanese schoolchildren killing competitions, and tiger thefts…and I’m still on my free trial membership. Life changing.
When I told the worker at Blockbuster that I just got Netflix he admitted to me that he got Netflix too.
This week I visited a medium and contacted my "dead" mom. In reality my mom is alive and in Michigan (and developed the backend for this website)...but I didn't tell the medium all that. :) You can read the whole story by clicking HERE.
ALSO this week I went to a PICKUP ARTIST convention and learned how to pick up women. You can read about that by clicking HERE.
A lot of reading assignments, I know. If you just have 3 min, go for the first story. But if you have 10 min, go for the second. And enjoy!
Street Of Cards meets Gary Darwin's Magic Club, Wednesday Night at Boomers Bar in Las Vegas...and Here are the Pics to Prove it!
The BAR EXAM is in just THREE DAYS (!), and this will be my last blog post until then so I’ll make it really good. That said, THIS happened to me tonight:
After a 40-minute cardio workout, I got ready to take a shower. But before I hopped in, I decided to wash this pot half full of soup that’d been sitting in my sink for over a week. I’ve been putting it off ‘cause it had green and white foam on it, and, well, I just assumed that if I left it next to the sink for long enough, somebody else would wash it for me. (Live alone, bad plan.)
Because I don’t have a garbage disposal, I decided that I’d toss the contents of the pot down the trash chute, which is just ten feet from my apartment. I put my sweaty underwear (boxer briefs) back on, took the pot to the chute….bumped into the door, which spilled some moldy soup on me…and then threw the rest down the chute. I walked back to my door…and realized that I had locked myself out.
So there I stood, nearly naked, sweaty, holding a still-moldy pot, and locked out.
After a minute or two of freaking out, I knocked on a neighbor’s door. And I don’t know who answered, but I know it wasn’t my neighbor. It was some girl. And after two minutes of awkward conversation, I convinced her to go down to the lobby and get the spare key for me.
HOPEFULLY the bar will go smoother than that. We shall see.
WELL, now that I’m going on a three-day blogging break, I just wanted to say thanks again to all who bought and read Lawyer Boy. If you enjoyed the book or are feeling particularly generous as you read this, it’d be great if you could do these things:
1) Email a friend or two about the book. Or mention it on your facebook/myspace profile. Or your blog. Or maybe get a tattoo of the Lawyer Boy cover on your forehead.
2) Go to Amazon.com and write a review of the book. A handful of jealous guys on the law school web forum LawSchoolDiscussion.com have been encouraging people to write bad reviews of Lawyer Boy on Amazon.com without actually reading the book. (And I implore you not to stoop to that level, only review if you’ve read.)
3) Wish me luck on the bar.
4) Have a great week!
Thanks so much to all who came out to the Lawyer Boy book reading/signing/magic show this week—all 130 (!) of you. Several people have told me that the inscriptions I wrote in their books were illegible.
I have awful handwriting. I get it.
So…in case you were one of those people who got an illegible message, here were some of the more popular ones I wrote. See if the message in your book could be one of these:
“Enjoy the book!”
And, if you are a lawyer, I probably wrote this in your book, “Get ready to defend me when my dad sues for defamation.”
Hope that clears things up.
AND…for those of you who couldn’t make it to the reading, here are some pictures of what you missed:
Today I studied for three hours at the Gold Coast Barnes & Noble. Around hour two, I took a break and asked one of the store workers whether I could sign the in-store LAWYER BOY copies. (I’m told that authors do this.)
“This one is your book?” the store clerk asked.
“Can I see some identification?”
“You’re joking me.”
“I’m not joking you; I have to see identification.”
“There’s a picture of me in the jacket flap.”
The guy looked at the picture, then back to me, then back to the picture, then back to me.
“Let me get you a pen.”
“Wait….do a lot of people come in here asking to sign books they haven’t written?”
“You’d be surprised.”
“It’s happened more than once.”
“Have YOU seen it happen?”
“Let’s just say, it’s happened more than once.”
Come on. That’s just crazy. Under what circumstance would somebody do that? I’m skeptical…
IN OTHER NEWS
I’m doing my first of two book readings tomorrow. FRIDAY JULY 11th at 7PM at the BOOK CELLAR in Lincoln Square. (That’s right off the Brown Line Western stop.) If you’ve got nothing else going on, come on by. There’ll be magic tricks and wine. Plus you can meet my dad, Lawyer Man.
LAWYER BOY doesn’t come out until Tuesday, but my local Barnes & Noble was selling the book today. They had four copies of the book on the “Hardcover New Releases” table, and one of them was propped up on a bookstand.
I went to that Barnes & Noble to study for the bar exam—22 more days (!)—but ended up spending my time hovering nearby my book, waiting for somebody to pick it up. Trouble was, this bookstore is in Chicago’s business district, and nobody really goes there on weekends.
But FINALLY, some guy carrying two or three other books picked up LAWYER BOY and flipped though it for five whole minutes. He read the jacket description. Read the blurbs. Read a random page. But then he put it back on the bookstand.
“Didn’t make the cut?” I said.
“Excuse me?” he replied.
“You flipped through the book for like five minutes. And it looked like you were into it. You only flipped through that other book you’re holding for like sixty seconds. What the hell?”
“Do we know each other?”
The guy’s name, I learned, was Sam. Sam was in town for a summer clerkship at BigLaw…and I’m pleased to report he ended up buying a copy of Lawyer Boy. And no I don’t feel weird about talking somebody into buying my book; I’m panning to persuade people for a living, after all.
The oracle said that Socrates was the smartest man in Greece because he acknowledged and appreciated his own ignorance. I must be the smartest law school graduate in Chicago because I’m painfully aware of how much I don’t know.
I just took a diagnostic test on the multi-state multiple choice section of the bar exam…and scored a 35%.
Now, the good news is that each question had four options, meaning I did better than a monkey would have done on the exam.
But I’m pretty sure that if you gave the 50-qustion exam to a bunch of monkeys, one of them would have beat 35%. Damn, back in high school, I probably could have told you exactly how many monkeys (who answer exam questions randomly) would need to take a 50-question multiple-choice exam (in which each question has four answer choices) to make it more likely than not that one of them would score at or above the 35% mark.
Tell you what, anybody who can figure out the answer to that question gets a free copy of LAWYER BOY.