Like I said, I didn’t study at all over Thanksgiving break. I spent the whole time writing a 20-page expose of Mensa, the so-called high IQ society.

Long story short, Mensa claims to foster and promote intelligence, but in reality, they just play board games and eat chocolate.

I can’t share the whole story with you, but here’s the introduction:

MENSA IDIOT
By Rick Lax

I could never get my bs and ds straight. I always drew the line on the wrong side of the circle—as in, “I’m not an ibiot; I’m byslexic.” Third grade was a disaster, so the summer before fourth, my mom took me to The William Beaumont Hospital Center For Human Development to see if I had a learning disability. The doctor’s report, which my mom has kept in the garage for nearly two decades, says that I had a “subtle minor problem with general language organizational skills and this was noted on [my] sentence formulation test where [I] encountered rather pronounced difficulties producing meaningful sentences.”

I don’t feel like I have pronounced difficulties producing meaningful sentences, but I do feel that whatever difficulties—or rather, well, yes, difficulties—I have are not the kind (kinds?) of difficulties…I mean, it’s not difficult for me…I can form simple—simple or complex, actually—sentences, and…and…hold on…lost my train of…

My areas of “Moderate Concern” included “Pure Fine Motor Praxia,” and “Organizational Skills.” My single area of “Marked Concern” was “Pencil Control and Graphomotor Skills. I had “a very maladaptive, almost whole-fisted pencil grip with marked increased pressure. Indeed, [I] broke the whole bottom half off of the first pencil that [I] used because of this pressure.”

That’s how much I hate taking tests.

On the plus side, I showed “no evidence of any major or minor facial dysmorphias, skeletal, or cutaneous stigmata[!]” Also on the plus side, my IQ, apparently, was quite high.

After college, I put my high IQ to work for me. I didn’t get a job or anything; I applied to join Mensa, the 100,000-member international high-IQ society that “welcomes people from every walk of life whose IQ is in the top 2% of the population.” It cost me $79.

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