Every day I go to the bookstore and page through men’s magazines that promise me six-pack abs in 30 days and mind-blowing sex with supermodels. Sometimes I browse through books that teach me how to cure cancer with vitamins and milk, how to seduce the woman of my dreams with subliminal messages and prepackaged speeches, how to use the “Law of Attraction” to control the universe with my mind and how to use the positioning of the planets to find what we’re all after: true love.
I find these books in the nonfiction section.
As an attorney and former professional magician, I see deception wherever I look. I see it at the bookstores, on the Strip, inside the casinos and in bars and clubs. So when I asked my roommate Oxana what she looks for in a guy, it came as no surprise when she said, “somebody honest.” Oxana, a Russian showgirl who’s been living in Las Vegas for four years, told me that she’s dated liars and cheaters before, and what she really wants is “somebody who doesn’t play games—a no-bullshit guy.”
Basically Oxana wants somebody who hasn’t read Tony Clink’s book The Layguide: How to Seduce Women More Beautiful Than You Ever Dreamed Possible, No Matter What You Look Like or How Much You Make. In the book Clink recommends this strategy for picking up a girl in a bar: “Instead of approaching, have your wing move in on her. After a minute or two, have him call you over and introduce you. Say ‘hi,’ but look a little uncomfortable and leave soon after. ‘Poor guy,’ your wing says, ‘do not waste your time on him. Women hit on him all the time, but they’re only after his money. He just gets so tired of it. He’s kind of famous, too.’”
....you can read the rest of the story @ LasVegasWeekly.com
Happy MLK day to you. I remember a few years back, on MLK day, I bought “The Autobiography of Martin Luther King, Jr.” in the bookstore. Brought the book home, read the introduction…and learned that MLK didn’t actually write The Autobiography of Martin Luther King, Jr.; Stanford University historian Clayborne Carson did.
I was pissed, but I still read the book…turned out to be as inspirational as I had originally hoped. Carson compiled MLK’s speeches and writings and wrote, ostensibly, what MLK would have written in an autobiography. Pretty good, if you can believe it. After a few dozen pages, I totally forgot that I wasn’t reading the words of the man himself.
IN OTHER, COMPLETELY UNRELATED NEWS
The following is a REAL bit of REAL dialogue from my REAL life that occurred earlier this week. This guy I met in a dive bar called Boomers was talking with my showgirl roommate about the AVN Awards (the Academy Video News Awards…basically it’s like the Academy Awards of pornography)…and then the topic of obscure pornographic films came up, and this is what was said:
Random Bar Guy: The strangest movie I own is this random German S&M movie with really high production value…blanking on the name right now…
My Roommate: Is it XXXXXXXXX Part Two?
(Editor’s Note: I’m not censoring the title; I just forgot it. And my roommate is asleep right now, so I can’t ask her.)
Bar Guy: Yes! XXXXXXXXXX Part Two!
My Roommate: I’m in it!
Yep. 100% true. Now, my roommate isn’t a porn star and she definitely didn’t do anything with anybody on camera; she knew the director from one of the shows she did on Vegas and he used her as an extra/backup dancer in the movie’s club scene.
I’ve been in Vegas long enough where this sort of thing no longer surprises (let alone shocks) me.
My airplane finally touched ground at Chicago’s O’Hare airport around 11:00 PM. I walked in the bathroom by Baggage Claim, and inside there was a phone on the wall next to a sign that read, “IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS ABOUT THE BATHROOM, PLEASE PICK UP THE PHONE AND DIAL ZERO.”
It was 11:30 at this point, and I was nearly positive nobody would answer.
“Hello,” the voice said.
So I was wrong.
“I’m in the bathroom,” I replied.
“The men’s room by baggage claim.”
“And did you have a question or comment?”
“What’s your comment?”
“Everything looks okay.”
I thought he’d be upset for wasting his time.
Again, I was wrong.
“Cool, well thanks for taking the time to let us know. I’ll have the cleaning staff focus on the other bathrooms tonight. Have a good one.”
I’m visiting Chicago for the week…and wondering…what’s up with all these fancy Michigan Avenue hotels. They all have grand pianos in their lobbies. And when I sit down to play them, without fail somebody walks over to me within five minutes and says, “Sir, I’m sorry, but you’re not allowed to play the piano. This piano isn’t for playing.”
No? It’s not? Tell you what: why don’t you check with the people who spent hundreds of hours, maybe thousands of hours, building this piano and ask them whether they intended that it be played.